… Hiding My Dreams …

We cannot avoid that sometimes we’re hiding our dreams behind. We know we want something so bad but because of some circumstances and reasons in our head, we lock down our dream. The truth is because we’re afraid and too much of consideration, then we forget to make an action.

Lately, i struggling with my dreams. What i want and what i have to do. Since i sang in US Independence day, June 29 at JW Marriott, this dream starts to bugging me again, day by day. The thing is i have a big passion to go to foreign countries. The reasons are simple, because i like to talk and to know others different languanges and cultures, but somehow even so, music is an universal languange that people will understand. I want to have an international journey through music, entertainment and broadcasting.

Voice of America Indonesia completely trapped inside my head. Since 2 years ago, i really wish to join this fellowship and live in USA for about a year to acknowledge about broadcasting from different angles. I was a reporter in Metro TV for about 3 years, and since i married i throw away my passion in broadcast because i have to stay in Medan. Medan is a big city with limited opportunity in media. I have to stay here because my husband live here. But i encouraged him every time i have a chance to live in other cities. I know i’m afraid as well to live in the city that i barely know, but sometimes we have to leave our comfort zone since life is too short to live in one position forever.

Deep down inside i want to spread my wings higher. Indeed my wings was spread, in regards of salary matter, but somehow i lost myself in the middle of nowhere. I miss my choir community, miss gathering with my family, and miss to work in the field that i like. So when i was in Metro TV, sometimes i watched Dunia Kita from VOA and i like it. It was presenting feature news like music, history, culture, entertainment, etc that i always want to dig in. I wish i could reporting news for VOA at that time and then my friend, Nurina Savitri was chosen for fellowship in USA about 1 year. I realize this is an opportunity for me as well.

I don’t know, am i too late to apply for the fellowship? Since i already 28 years old this year, 3 years experience in broadcast, 2 years in communication field as marketing communication and public relation, and of course i already married, i’m not to confident to apply. Because this fellowship terms is for fresh graduate or less than 3 years working experience. Still on my prayers though. Besides, am i ready to leave my family for about 1 year? Hmmm, i think i can. I already get used to be independent, and thanks God that my husband is also a journalist, so he understands me.

The fellowship will be open on October, and my TOEFL is already expired. I have to take it again on the sidelines of my work. I hope i can do it. Even during writing this post, my heart have a confusion, should i do it or not? Hmmm, i still think about it. I remember when i was in Metro TV, its tiring experience but yet amazing. I miss that moment, but i want to try with other media. Some of old pictures of me during reportage that i’ve had in Metro TV Medan.

Ledy Simanjuntak

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